DB Hosts: Haunted Museum Prologue

Note: Before reading this saga, please watch the playthrough of Haunted Museum/Panic Museum: 

This saga was worked on alongside with the always awesome  
___________________________________________
PROLOGUE

“We were supposed to turn left three blocks ago!” Young Samurai groaned, pounding on the bus’ windows.

“Shut up, nobody likes a backseat driver.” The bus’ driver, Cecil spat out.

“But he’s right, you know!” The one known as Steel piped up, lazily staring out the window. “We could’ve made it to the museum a half an hour ago if you hadn’t eaten that lamb leg at the Indian place! I told you there was a twenty inch parasite in there! But did you listen? Nooooo.”

“You weren’t the one who had to pull it out of him.” Rainbow Dash groaned, throwing up a little in her mouth.

“Yo, lay off Gent-senpai. He’s trying the best he can!” Lacie defended her crush, crossing her arms.

“Kissass.” Cyber muttered.

“I told you! We should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque!” Abe called out.

“Shut the hell up, Abe! We heard that the last 52 times you said it! And we’re nowhere near Albuquerque to begin with, so just shut up about it!” Wendy fumed, clearly losing her patience.

“It’s actually a Looney Toons refer—”

“YES I CAUGHT ON TO THAT FACT.”

“Got to suck the joy out of everything, don’t you?” Abe grumbled under his breath.

“Trust me,” Xl groaned. “He does. I was having a perfectly fine day until he told us we ‘have to go to the museum’.”

“Well, you were all doing nothing more but slacking off, or the case of one of you, writing a pornographic story of a children’s show.” Cecil said, glaring at Xl as he said the last statement.

“Guilty.” The cowboy responded, earning an eye roll from the centaur princess sitting behind him.

“I swear, you and that show…” She groaned. “Can’t you like a show that’s actually, y’know, any good? With interesting characters?”

“I heard that!” Rainbow shouted.

“Yeah, why can’t you like-” Abe began.

“You’re going to say JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, aren’t you?” Ex deadpanned.

“...Yes.”

“And then you were going to reccomend also watching Hellsing Ultimate?”

“...That too.”

Cecil rubbed his eyebrows in frustration, before turning towards the surprisingly calm and collected Ray in a nearby seat.

“How do you even stay calm when surrounded with idiots like this?”

“I’m not calm,” The stoic fighter spoke up. “This is actually my very angry face.”

“...You always have that expression.”

A rather raspy and animalistic retching noise was soon heard in the back of the bus. Everyone turned to see the sentient Troodon, Kra, pulling his head out of a bag.

“Yo, Cecil? Mind if we move it along? Kra barfed...again.” Steel called out.

“Well, SORRY, guys. Not my fault that I’ve never been on a bus in my life. Never knew I could get bussick.” Kra grumbled.

“Didn’t know dinosaurs could even get bussick in general.” Young remarked.

“I still haven’t wrapped my head around how one could get sick on a bus.” Joan mused. “It’s… Just a bus.”

“It’s hell on wheels.” The trodoon replied.

“And another thing, Gent! Before you planned this trip, didn’t you think about, oh I don’t know, maybe BUYING A GODDAMN MAP!” Steel yelled. “Hell, a GPS could’ve been good too!”

“Or you could’ve taken my suggestion and just maybe asked for directions?” Lady remarked.

“No, as I said before, nobody with any self respect asks for directions.”

“Uh,” Xl awkwardly chimed in. “I ask for directions.”

“I rest my case.”

“Are you sure you even know where this damn museum is?” Abe complained. “Because from what I see, the whole place is going to be closed by the time we get there!”

“He’s probably right you know.” Xl said.

“Look, it won’t be closed. I can assure you that. We’ll make it there on time and we’ll get to see the exhibits. All I need is for you all to just trust me on this and also shut up while you’re at it.” Gentleman said slowly whilst also trying not to explode into anger.

“If we’re going to the Museum of Everything and More…” Steel pointed out the window. “Then it’s closed.”

“WHAT?”

The bus suddenly stopped in its tracks as Cecil stomped on the brakes. The sudden halt sent everyone forward; some even hitting face-first into the seat in front of them.

Xl and Abe slowly got up after the impact of hitting their faces at the seat in front of them...and promptly fist bumped. “Told you so.”

“Will you two just shut up already?” Dash planted a hoof in her face. “You’ve been doing nothing but making stupid pop culture references to me which I don’t even get! I don’t live on Earth!”

Abe paused. “Welcome to Earth.”

“Is that another pop culture—”

“Yep.”

“Everyone, shut the hell up right now.” Cecil growled in anger before quickly taking a deep breath and exhaling. “Steel, what did you just say?”

“I said the Museum we’re going to is closed.” the chainsaw wielding man said, pulling out a convenient flyer that he had with him. The brightly colored flyer read in large letters, ‘Museum of Everything and More’. “It says right here, ‘Open 9AM to 9PM everyday’. Except, maybe for holidays and all that.”

“It’s only eight fifty right now though!” Cyber protested, checking his system’s internally clocks.

“You’ve been fifteen minutes behind for a month now, you really need to change that thing.” Lady sighed, checking her own watch. “Yep. Nine o’ five.”

“SON OF A BITCH.” Cecil yelled before hitting the bus’ steering wheel, letting out a brief honk as a result.

“Well, that was a waste of gas and money.” Young grumbled. “Let’s just turn this bus around and head back to the-”

“No. We break in.” Cecil’s eyebrow twitched.

“What?” yelled Edge. “You can’t be serious.”

Upon those words, the Gentleman locked eyes directly with his feline apprentice and bore a glare of pent up frustration. “Do I look like I’m joking?”  

“Isn’t that highly illegal?” Nat raised an eyebrow. “If we’re caught, there’s no way we’ll ever be let back inside.”

“Uh, Nat?” Abe began. “If you hadn’t noticed, look at what we’re made of. We’ve got trained warriors, a fast food mascot, a gunslinger, eldritch gods, a dinosaur, a catboy, a centaur, a cyborg, freaking Joan of Arc herself, a pegasus who can reach speeds beyond any known aircraft-”

“Darn right.” Dash smugly agreed.

“And uh...Young. We got Young.”

“Yeah! You got me!”

“But still, Gent, I don’t really want to run into any troubles with the law.” Xl spoke up, nervously rubbing the back of his head. “You know they check your computer? They’d see my archive… And I really don’t want anyone else to see my archive.”

“You forget, my friends, that not only am I an eldritch god beyond the comprehension of the minds of humanity...I am also a licensed attorney.” Cecil proudly said. “If we get caught, I can easily get us out of any prison time.”

Steel’s eyes widened. “And you didn’t tell me that after I cut that Barista in half?”

“Why the hell did you do that anyways?” Cyber tapped the chainsaw user in the shoulder.

“They gave me a White Chocolate Mocha. I asked for a White Chocolate Latte!” He grumbled.

“The point is, everyone, that we are going to into the damn museum. I didn’t rent this bus, drive through hours of traffic-”

“You’re a god and you have to rent a bus?”

“It was the only way I could get a party of 14 to a museum. Anyway, drive through hours of traffic, had to have some emergency and improvised surgery done to remove a parasite from my body-”

“GAGH! You brought those terrible memories back again!” Dash’s face turned a sickly shade of green.

“-And have to deal with the squabbling and complaining of you all! Now, we are going to the damn museum, and we’re are going to break in, and we are going to see the exhibits, and that is final!”

“Well...I guess I can finally put this crowbar to good use then.” Abe said innocently, pulling out said crowbar out of nowhere.

“And I can help sneak in! I’m very sneaky, trust me.” Dash spoke up.

“Wrong.” Xl interrupted the pegasus. “According to Season 2, you can’t steal a book without…”

The rest of the group tuned out Xl’s continuity rant, before Kra whispered to Joan. “He’s a little obsessed, isn’t he?”

Both Trodoon and Saint could only nod.

“So...do we even know where the museum is? We’ve been going around in every kind of shape imaginable trying to get there.” Abe asked.

“As the sign says…” Gent pointed to the neon sign. “This is a museum for basically… Everything. From toys to weapons to fish—” Edge’s eyes glowed at the mention of fish. “-this museum is full of knickknacks.”

“I didn’t even know the sign was there!” Steel yelled. “Did anyone even know that big glowing sign was there!”

The group shook their heads.

“Alright, then. Let’s get off and go break the law!” Abe yelled, raising his crowbar dramatically.

“You look like Gordon Freeman,” Xl whispered to his coworker.

“I don’t get any of these pop culture references!”
__________________________________________________
Prologue